How is your Student Doing, Really?

Your child is learning in a time like no other in recent history. Some students are learning remotely, only interacting with teachers and peers through a screen. Some are attending school just a few days a week, pivoting between distance and on-site learning on a daily basis. Others are back in the classroom full-time, but with masks, social distancing, plexiglass partitions and one-way hallways. How is your student doing, really? 

Do you know if your child is happy? 

What is the best way to check on their emotional and mental well-being? A little detective work can be fruitful when trying to gauge your student’s emotional state. If they’re doing remote learning, chances are they are set up in their bedroom or a quiet corner of the house to minimize distractions. Check in on them. Are they sitting up, looking at the screen and participating? Or are they slumped down, staring off into space and distracted? If you observe that your student is consistently tuned out and listless, consider this a red flag. Not all classes are going to be wildly interesting, but there is a world of difference between engaged remote learning and ‘doing time’ in front of the screen.

You may be seeing changes in behavior beyond schoolwork.  

• Have hygiene habits slipped? 
• Are they more disorganized?  
• Does your son or daughter seem moodier than normal? 
• Are you receiving regular emails from teachers about missed zoom classes and late assignments? 

These are all signs that your student is struggling. 

         If you ask most children, “How was school today?” you will get the standard one-word response: “Fine.” It’s easy to accept this and allow them to vanish into the refuge of their video games. After all, we are all dealing with weird 2020-stress and overwhelming schedules, so why probe more deeply? Now, more than ever, it is important to connect with your child, and not just on a superficial level.

         Attempt to extend conversation with open-ended questions. If this feels like an interrogation, be prepared to be met with eye-rolls and terse responses.

Invite your child to interact with you in a non-school related activity:

• Ask for help making dinner
• Take them to run an errand with you
• Pull out a board game. 

While ‘hanging out’ together, ask questions designed to get them talking.  

• “Did anyone do anything funny on Zoom today?” (If your job has you in Zoom meetings, you could share a story from your day.) 
• “What class did you feel the most confident in today?”
• “What is one thing you learned that you could teach me?” 
• “Who did you work with in a small group today?” 
•  “What is one thing that is going really well, and one thing you are struggling with?”  

Try to build opportunities for conversation into every day, and practice being an attentive listener.  

         Avoid scolding and nagging. Instead, acknowledge that times are difficult right now. Social activities have largely vanished. Even if your child is seeing friends, social distancing is making everything seem a bit odd and disconnected. In this pandemic-stricken world, we are all craving human connection. 

• Approach your child as an ally and ask how you can help to support them. 
• Brainstorm together to create opportunities to interact with friends in safe and healthy ways.  
• Collaborate with them to make plans and identify strategies to help improve their academic performance.  
• Reassure your son or daughter that this crisis will eventually pass. 
• Be involved, be interested and stay tuned-in to understand how your child is faring.